Thinking About Flirty Fun
- on Jan 17, 2023
There were two prompts for January Jumpstart that got me thinking, one was to write a story about two people eye-fucking across the room at a posh cocktail party and the other was to write a 5 step guide to flirting. I’m not actually going to do either of those, but they are my jumping off point to tell you about how I reeled Mr F in.
I am not ashamed to admit that when I realised I had the hots for Mr F I made it my mission to fuck him. It was my sole focus for a good few months. We always say I could have just cut the fancy plans out and just asked him if he wanted to fuck, but actually I think all the flirting built a wonderful foundation for our eventual fuckery.
I don’t know that I’m a mastermind when it comes to flirting and I don’t know that I have five steps to my approach but I know I started out slow by seeing if he seemed receptive to some flirty banter. Once Mr F was single I did give it some time before I started the flirting, once conversations revealed he was at the point of downloading Tinder and thinking about dating I stopped holding back.
Luckily around this time Mr F and I started working more shifts together and one of the first flirting methods I employed was physical proximity. I definitely invaded his personal space once in a while, never, not once, did he try to create space between us. Bearing in mind by this point we were friendly, things were chatty and I had a good idea of who he was and what he might be comfortable with. So I felt confident that he wasn’t someone who would feel panicked by physical approaches to flirting but would simply not indulge them if he wasn’t interested.
Once the standing a hair’s breadth away from him became standard practice I started with the arm touching as I laughed at his jokes and such like. Now, this is probably the biggest flirting cliche out there. Laugh at their jokes and touch them on the arm or leg at the same time, but I’m telling you it works, people recognise this as flirting, it’s a winner of a move. Unless, of course, you are flirting with Mr F who has this point still hadn’t quite caught on. Everyone else had, everyone we worked with could see it, but I needed to ramp things up a bit for Mr F.
Eventually we had a work night out and I managed to get myself to his place not only for pre-drinks but straight after work. This entire night was basically hours of relentless flirting. I can’t remember the exact situation that occurred but pre-drinks involved licking the rim of his beer bottle, which again didn’t escape anyone’s notice as a flirting tactic, again not sure he was quite there yet. At one point during a drink game the question was ‘which two people in the circle are most likely to fuck’, a guy I’d never met before said me and Mr F that is how efficient my flirting was, Mr F laughed and his response was ‘Us? What? Why?’. I think we all rolled our eyes so hard you could hear it in all the way in China!
Once we were out and about with music and dancing, I thought there was no way he wouldn’t get it. We danced and when we were chatting and not dancing I would lean into him, mouth close to his ear (so he could hear me better, obviously), hand on his hip, my body leaning into his, I did everything on that dance floor except unbutton his trousers. So much so, a ‘well meaning’ colleague warned me to be careful with what I was doing. There was a rule about manager/employee relations, but to be honest that just made the whole thing more fun and we couldn’t get in trouble for flirting, only actually getting caught out fucking outside of a declared relationship would have landed us in some hot water.
This went on for hours, hours of dancing, hours of flirting, hours of everyone wondering what was going on with us. Except Mr F, seriously, he was clueless. We have since talked about it, many times and he admits he genuinely didn’t realise his luck was in. This has taught me that sometimes words are your friend, I relied heavily on physical flirting and flirty banter, but what I should have done was been far more explicit if I wanted him to catch on quicker.
I didn’t use my words though, what I actually did was head back to his place afterwards to get my things I left there from getting ready. Not just me either, he’s a sweet guy and offered his couch and floor to one very drunk girl who probably wasn’t safe to be out anymore and another girl who needed a place to crash but I don’t recall why. At this point he sounds like an absolute player having three girls back to his flat after a night out. I promise you though he was a total gent and had I not been involved everyone would have slept soundly and no budding relationships would have formed.
It was really late, or very early, depending on your viewpoint and I still had to get home before I could sleep and I didn’t have many hours until I had to be up for the school run! Instead of going home I just slept in Mr F’s bed, it was at this point he realised things might be occurring. Yes, I actually had to be in his bed having a conversation about spooning and its appropriateness before he realised I fancied him.
That night there was sexy stuff, but I did not get all the goodies which meant I had to keep up the flirty chat in our messages the following day, and of course in person. This is we’re eye-fucking across the room came in very handy. We did a lot of this, oh wow, once we got things going, eye-fucking was a great way to make work more interesting.
I undressed and fucked Mr F with my eyes on a daily basis and it was absolutely delightful. People talk about things like oral sex and fingering being foreplay, but for me, the flirting and the eye-fucking, that’s foreplay. This was all made extra sexy by the fact it was all kept secret, but the good kind of secret, a secret we both agreed upon. Not the kind of secret that made me feel like he was keeping me hidden, I’ve been there before and didn’t like it one bit. But with Mr F, we were both in on the secret and for about 5 months nobody knew what we had going on except us and it was quite wonderful.
As we all know all this flirting led us to where we are now and while I still have absolute faith in my flirting game because not everyone is oblivious like Mr F, it did teach me that sometimes you can and should be more direct if you want to make it clear how you feel. I quite easily could have told Mr F I was crushing on him just a tiny bit and if he ever fancied going for a coffee I’d be up for that. I know fear of rejection is terrifying, but so is missing out on potentially great things. So get your flirt on my friends and see what glorious things might come your way in 2023.