I Know Exactly What I Want!

If you turn back time to about 5 years ago (and a wee bit further too) what I wanted would have included lots of kink related endeavours. Be they kinky actions or kinky purchases. When I realised I had kink burnout I truly did think I was on a hiatus, later this year it will be four years since I did anything kinky though and I think it’s a little bit more than a hiatus now.

Which begs the question, if I don’t want kink anymore what do I want? Fucking, lots and lots of fucking, that’s what. 

Mr F and I actually landed on this conversation recently, he always says he’s super vanilla. Which I’m not sure is entirely true, I think there are kinks he’d enjoy if we tried them and he explained that the extra effort that goes into kink (from what I’ve explained of it) just isn’t for him, he just likes fucking and that’s what he wants, but like me he’d like a bit more of it. 

I feel much the same. I am still a huge supporter of my kinky friends and I’d happily share all the knowledge I have with anyone looking to get started with kink, be that in the bedroom or out and about at munches and other events. Kink is awesome. It’s fun, sexy and for me it was life changing in many ways, but I truly cannot be arsed with it anymore. 

Maybe this is a warning story to make sure your Top has balance in their kink life. Perhaps this is especially relevant to switchy tops or tops with a sex drive outside of kink. I definitely didn’t have a good balance between fulfilling other people’s desires and having my needs met. The direct result of that is my lack of interest in any kink at all. 

All I want now is Mr F naked as often as possible. The thing I fantasise about most, a want that isn’t just let’s fuck, involves us having a night alone in a hotel. A nice hotel with a fancy bath/shower, a nice restaurant and somewhere pretty to wander hand in hand for a bit. I imagine us indulging all the amenities whilst flirting and pushing the boundaries of appropriate PDA’s before heading to our room and going it hard and loud until we’re both all fucked out. 

I sometimes imagine new lingerie in that scenario too. I’ve recently been thinking perhaps that would be a nice addition regardless of where I get to wear it and I may still get some for myself, but a recent conversation with Mr F has revealed, or rather confirmed, that he couldn’t care less about sexy outfits. What he wants is me naked and easy to access. Clothes in general, even sexy ones are just barriers to what he wants and more things to remove than he deems necessary. Which luckily means our wants are excellently aligned.

Outside of sex there are other wants and I feel very blessed that we are well matched on those too. We are trying to move Mr F into the next phase of his career, which is also a joint adventure due to the nature of the business. We’d like to go on a bigger holiday next year, which is somewhat dependent on the job changing, likewise we’d like to move but that too hinges on the job Mr F gets. 

It’s nice to have a plan for the future that is ours. I’m sure we each have our own individual plans too. I’d like more tattoos and to hopefully continue blogging throughout the year. I’d also like to have photographs taken of myself by someone else. It would be great if some of those things could happen this year, but we shall have to wait and see. 

One thing is for certain though, our want for fucking will be indulged first and as regularly as possible while we wait for the rest of life to catch up with how great our sex life and if we can get the rest of our life to be as great as our fucking we will be hella successful and very happy people.

2 thoughts on “I Know Exactly What I Want!

  1. I think your relating your burn out to lack of balance made something click for me. Too much of one role can exhaust the circuit. For me, I think this is more about caretaking leading to burn out than it is about topping — and my reaction has not been to switch sexual interest but to turn it off entirely — but I totally appreciate that insight, because it’s made a lightbulb come on.

  2. Oh I can definitely relate to some of this. It is certainly how I felt about dating and non-mono. I was utterly exhausted by it and none of it felt fun any more. i find myself much happier now I have stepped away from that.
    As for kink, there are still things I want and maybe even need but that hunger and yearning that drove me for a long time has also settled into something less aggressive. However when it comes to fucking and orgasms and sucking cock etc…. yep I am all up for that


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